Week Two

Sorry I am a week behind on my summery for
week two in our Bible Study!!!!

Let's see....this week's title was:
"The Performance of a Lifetime"

Do you ever think you can read your man's mind?
If you could, you might find yourself surprised!

In Shaunti's follow-up survey to For Women Only,
she found that no matter how confident they might look,
70% of the men admitted to feeling out of their depth and
Afraid that it would show. This answer was typical: “I try
to perform well and look as competent as possible when
inside I sometimes feel insecure and am concerned about
other’s opinion of me and my abilities.”
She discovered from her research that men seem to be
consumed with these thoughts:
--I am always being watched and judged
--I have no earthly idea how to do this
--I want to do this
A man’s inner vulnerability about his performance often
seems from his conviction that he is being watched and
judged at all times. This inner uncertainty leave even the
man who seems most confident dreading the moment
when he will be exposed for who he really believes himself
to be—an impostor.
To compensate for his insecurity and his feelings of being
watched, a man may feel the need to work long hours. Or
the constant need to look “on the ball” may wear him down
emotionally. One this is certain: The idea of thinking he
can’t cut it is humiliating, which is a feeling a man wants
to avoid at all costs. As a result, he puts up a good front
so others will think he is highly competent.

So there you have it. Here stands a man (husband, father, or
son) feeling certain that if anyone (even his wife, daughter,
or mother) really knew him for what he was, they would know
the truth—that, at least some of the time, he is not what he
appears to be.

As Shuanti began to understand this finding, she was saddened
To recall that she had sometimes not been very supportive,
Simply b/c she didn’t realize that her husband could possibly
Be feeling so insecure. She was fully confident in his
abilities. Why wouldn’t he be?
As you learn this, you may feel sad too, maybe even guilty. Be
Prepared for this feeling, but don’t get bogged down there. This
Week talks about what you can do to be supportive of your man!

Let’s talk about the insecurities of Job and Moses in the bible….
Remember Job? God decided to let Satan test him by destroying
His family and estate. Even though Job was innocent of wrongdoing
(and he declared that in 31:5-6), he still suffered the sting of
what othersthought about him. We could say he had been “cut from
the neighborhood team”. His contemporaries saw him as a failure.
They were certain he had committed some terrible sin. Surely he
was inadequate in the eyes of God for all this to happen to him
See Job 15:1-6)
Then we have Moses…..
A prince, a man of character, a powerful man in a powerful
nation. He lost his temper and killed an Egyptian guard who
was tormenting one of hispeople. Moses went from prince to
sheepherder. For the next 40 years,he tended someone else’s
flocks. In exile in the desert, Moses lived as a stranger in
a foreign land, beholden to the kindness of strangers
(see Ex. 2:11-25)
Then God began to lay out a plan for him. God wanted Moses
to go to Egypt and rescue his people from the oppression of
Pharaoh. All God wanted moses to do was walk in and tell
Pharaoh to let his people go!
Doesn’t Moses remember that respect he once commanded?
As a royal-bred leader, does he rise to the occation?
No, but his insecurities sure do!
Ex. 3:11 -- But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to
Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
Ex. 3:13 -- Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites
and say to them,'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and
they ask me, 'What is his name?'
Then what shall I tell them?"

Ex. 4:1 -- Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or
listen to me and say,'The LORD did not appear to you'?"

Ex. 4:10 -- Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been
eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your
servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."

Ex 4:13 -- But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to
do it."

After all those excuses, Ex. 4:14 should come as no surprise.
God was a little upset with this man to whom he had given so much.
God knew he was capable of doing the job and was doing to see him
through, but Moses was a quivering mass of insecurities. His past
successes, his natural abilities, even the knowledge that God of
the universe was on his side were not enough to quiet the fear
Moses had.

Affirmation is everything!! When a man is affirmed, he can conquer
the world!!!!! When he is not, he is sapped of his confidence and
even his feelings of manhood.And he will consciously or
unconsciously, seek out places where he receives affirmation!

Now let me ask you this:
How does affirmation differ from flattery?
You must remember that affirmation honestly reflects feeling,
celebrates who the person is, and expresses appreciation.

What are some steps you can take to affirm your man?

Take a look at Philippians 4:8 –
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—
think about such things.

It may take some practice to change your pattern of thinking.
For many of us, it’s natural to correct and instruct –or to make
“suggestions” that our husband hears as instruction!! That is
not what he needs from you! You can begin to be more affirming
by first doing what Philippians above says to do: “think on
these things”.

So ladies….what do we do now?
For the most part, men are trying hard to succeed for their
wives and families. In that dialy struggle, you now know that
what they need is a quiet, safe place to which they can come
home.

Look up Psalm 23:3-3
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside
quiet waters,3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of
righteousness for his name's sake.

He needs a green pasture, a quiet stream, and someone who will
restore confidence to his soul!

I hope you are still reading this….I know it’s LONG…..but we’re
almost done!
What about our (a woman’s) fear of being walked on?
Galations 5:1 tells us, “It is for freedom that Christ has set
us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be
burdened again by a yoke of slavery”. Unfortunately some of
take that verse and run with it!

Have you ever heard another woman say, “I won’t coddle a
male ego!” “He’s a big boy; why should I have to build him up?”
or “I won’t be a doormat”? have any of these statements ever
come out of YOUR mouth? They reflect of belief in the freedom
to express our opinions and feelings that we need to stand up
for ourselves. Perhaps we need to read further....

Galatians 5:13-15 explains that freedom in Christ empowers us:
13You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your
freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another
in love. 14The entire law is summed up in a single command:
"Love your neighbor as yourself." 15If you keep on biting and
devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by
each other.

Yes, you are free, but don’t use that freedom to indulge yourself
by insisting that your needs be met—at the expense of what the
other person needs. Love your husband as you love yourself.
If you want your needs met, then you should desire that his needs
be met.