Week One

This entry will be LONG, so please read when you have time!!!
I'm going to write about my first week's Bible Study lesson
from the Study "For Women Only".

Shaunti Feldhahn (the author of this study & original book)
almost by accident Came across surprising revelations about
the inner lives of men— Findings that were validated by a
groundbreaking nationwide survey and Personal interviews
with more than 1,000 men!

So week one what did we learn?

Men’s foundational need is RESPECT!

During a singles retreat years ago that Shaunti attended
they asked the following question: “If you had to choose,
would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world
OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected
by everyone?”

Well I myself while reading this am think that EVERYONE
is going to say inadequate and disrespected….b/c who in the
world would want to be alone???

Well the retreat speaker turned to the men’s side of the room.
“Ok, men. Who here would rather fee alone and unloved?”
A sea of hands went up, and a gasp rippled across the women’s
side of the room. He then asked which men would rather feel
disrespected…and the women watched in bemusement as only
a few guys lifted their hands. Then it was the women’s turn to
answer and the men’s turn to be shocked when most of the
women indicated they would rather feel inadequate and
disrespected than unloved!

It may sound like a no-brainer but men and women are different!
We can’t even begin to count all the books & articles that
have been written about the differences between us –
differences in our emotions, our love languages, our personalities.
Some scientists even study how differently our brains function!
We know we are different; yet, we sometimes act as though we
are not. We often relate as if our man’s needs are the same as
our own. This study has challenged me to change some of those
“assumptions”.

Years after that landmark singles retreat, Shaunti in her research
would ask the same question, among others. And the answer
received from these men were equally astounding. 74% of those
surveyed indicated they too would rather feel alone and unloved
than disrespected or inadequate.

Women think in terms of “LOVE” While Men need “RESPECT”.
So taking a look at all the research Shaunti has done, a major light
bulb came on. If a man feels disrespected, he is going to feel unloved!
If you want to love your man in the way he needs to be loved,
then you need to ensure that he feels your respect most of all!

So where do we go wrong in our marriages?
Respect is sometimes seen as being earned by people who are
WORTHY for what they have done.
How wrong is this? Man, I do that all the time to Joe. If he doesn’t
show me the love I need that day, then heck NO I’m not going to
respect him! lol I think we all feel like this at times!

If you have time please look up the passage Ephesians 5:33.
How does that differ from what
we said above?

I encourage all the ladies reading my blog to think of ONE thing
you appreciate about your Husband! And if you feel like it, please
share that with your husband!

Read Job 30:9 in your Bible.

Were you surprised by how joking in public or teasing makes men feel?
Why or why not?

Why do you think we women make comments like these?
Maybe covering up hurt feelings with my witty quips about him?
Disappointed in a certain behavior?

Our weekly challenge this week was:
--Choose to respect your man by not saying anything negative to
him or about him to others. Begin each day with prayer that God
will help you meet this challenge.

This challenge was just that for me, A CHALLENGE! Man, was it
hard to not say ONE bad thing about or to Joe! Not that I
constantly feel like I’m disrespecting my husband….but WOW
how I didn’t know that I really was!!! Ever catch yourself
“bashing” your husband to a friend or co-worker?
I have, and let me tell you….It gives me a “gut” feeling now when I do!
No wife is perfect! For some of wives, have years of habbit
to break! Even myself only having 3 years of marriage to Joe....find
it hard not to "bash" Joe when he does things "wrong". But I CAN
change the way I respond....and YES it's going to take practice!!!!

DON’T ASSUME HE NEEDS REMINDING!!!
DON’T ASSUME HE IS JUST CHOOSING NOT TO HELP!!!
DON’T ASSUME IT IS ALL HIS FAULT!!!

To end this week’s study we read Romans 12:1-2.
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer
your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is
your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the
pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—
his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Verse 2 was the overall study verse.

Now don't take this study as though EVERY man thinks like this.
Like Shaunti stated 74% of the men she interviewed agreed.
So your husband could be in that 26% that don't think the same
way. So when asking your self all these question, put the word "If"
infront of them. If this were true......

This book is not in replace of counceling, etc. Many situations
are different.....domestic abuse cases for example. I just hope
that it helps other women as it has already challenged me to
try harder.

P.S. Men that are reading this....and I know you are Ha Ha! There
is a booked called For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the
Inner Lives of Women -- Check it out :)