2.11.2011

Love-Hate Relationship

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.  ~Bette Davis

Often I feel I only talk about the positives of my family on this blog.  Not because we're the perfect family or that we don't have negativity in our lives....but mostly because I hate to bring out dirty laundry when it should be left at home.  But as I've started to talk to a few other close friends, I've realized sometimes it helps to talk about things hoping that someone else might be going through the exact same thing!  

The quote above summarizes mine and Hunter's relationship right now.  It's literally a love-hate relationship.  One day, I'm her best friend....and the next day I'm her enemy.  I'm not sure why God gave mother's this role, maybe it's because we can forgive easier than a dad??? I'm learning with Hunter, when I can give-in and when I have to stand my ground.  I think it's part of being a young mom, I want to let her do things I couldn't do.  Having guilt over not being with her real dad, let's her get away with more.  And the fact I don't want her to be left out by her friends, I give in.  But I'm tired of it, I'm tired of giving-in, only to have her treat me like crap and smart off to me.  Last night I had her go pick out her clothes because she is going to a birthday party tonight.  I knew if she waited until the morning it would be DRAMA over what to wear.  So she picked them out but threw a fit when I wouldn't let her wear her shoe string boots.  These are boots that she picked out when I wasn't there, and I'm not the biggest fan LOL  Sooooo, being the nice mom I am told her we'd run to Shoe Show and pick out a pair of simple black boots.  So we did.  And all was well again.  

Then I was going to check on her before I went to bed and make sure she was tucked in tight and sleeping.  Well she was on the laptop, playing a game.  It was 10:30pm on a school night!!!  So I yelled, "Get in bed right now!"  and she slammed the laptop shut and thew a fit.  I grounded her from the laptop, and that was that.  Then every word out of her mouth this morning was smart alec!!  UGH  I can never WIN!!  I wanted to ground her so bad from the party tonight, and I know you're all thinking I should.....but every one of her friends is going and I don't want her to be left out.  The kids are mean these days and come Monday they'd all leave Hunter out and be talking about the party.  Sooooo, that's always my delima.  I know she hates writing sentences, so when she comes home tonight before she goes to bed (I know she'll be exhausted) she will have to write, "I will not talk rude to my mom." 

I really didn't think this would start at age 10.  I cannot imagine what it's going to be like when the DRAMA super-sizes when she's 16!!  Let alone when I have 3 DRAMA queens all at once, ha ha!  Joe has told me several times he is building a detached garage and living in there when that time of the month comes HAHAHA!!  

P.S.  If you do not see your blog to the right, I accidentally deleted all of them :(  I was so upset!!  So if you comment again, I'll know your blog address to add u back.  

4 comments:

Faith said...

I totally understand where you're coming from - my daughter started that when she was 8. I have to work really hard at listening to her and making time for her and not screaming when she is driving me crazy yet being really firm and letting her know who is the boss. It really helps when the hubs backs me up. I find it really helps when I continue with the discussion/fight until she cries. Once she's cried she is much more reasonable and calm. It's easier to just send her to her room when she's being difficult but taking the time to see the fight to a finish is really important to me.

Ashlye said...

Leah - I'm right there with u sweetie!!! U know exactly what we've been going thru and all I can say is what everyone keeps telling me.....it will get better! Stand your ground, which I know is hard at times bc like me, u feel the guilt too bc u aren't w/ her real dad. I know how hard it is to show them "tough love". I wish they knew how much it hurt us to have to do that. But you have to look at the end result....someday she will look back and be thankful for the loving mother she had. I was the same way and when I was in my mid 20's I realized how lucky I was to have the mom that I do! If this makes you feel any better, age 10 was a rough year for us too. 11-13not too bad, but 14 has been H.E.double hockey sticks:( Praying for u:) xoxox!

Courtney, Jeff, Ayla & Leah said...

I don't have a tween, but I know where you are coming from. Its something that I call a struggle with consistancy. When is it "ok" to be "cool" ha I see myself even now with my 2 girls. I don't always answer the same as I would with one as I would the other. And that isn't fair, they are too young to realize. But I need to nip it! I think as parents if we are consistant in our love and discipline our kids will respect us. Even when they throw fits- they see we do the same they will get it. Its our job for us to train them up to be adults. Not big babies :) I think you are the coolest, just so you know. I wish my mom would have gone out and bought me some boots!

Ashley said...

Leah I don't really have any advice but to just think back when I was a kid. I didn't get grounded too often but if I would act up my parents would tell me I wouldn't get to go to a friends or anything related to friends and boy would I listen. They knew that was something I liked doing. Hold your ground and I can't imagine having teens/tweens to deal with!! Yikes! You and Joe are great parents and I know Hunter will understand in the future where you are coming from:)

And thanks for sharing your "dirty laundry" b/c we all know everyone's life isn't "perfect". I don't think that is possible. haha.